Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands

what kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

My boyfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove him wrong?

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 
None. It's a hardware problem.

What shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers!

What do you get when facebook goes down?

A Social Life

I hate people who repeat themselves.

Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.

Whats round and sounds like a trumpet?

a crumpet

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Because he doesnt want to be spotted!

Do I know the molecular formula of nitrogen monoxide?

NO

At first I hated my new hair cut.
But it's growing on me now

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

Be honest, There is no fear on this earth like waiting for your internet history to clear quickly while someone urgently needs to use your laptop.

My name is Miles, but people call me Kilometres for short.

You never realise what you've got till it's gone.
Toilet paper being a good example.

My wife's constantly making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline.

It's starting to wear a little thin.

What do you call the bad areas in Italy?

The spaghetto.