Dark humor

I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle.

I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.

What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

Name a spongebob quote to describe your sexuality.

Are ya ready kids!

The hand is quicker than the eye.
Unfortunately, the CCTV camera at my nearest primary school's gates is
quicker than both.

My dad always told me not to stab people in the back.
I agree completely.
It's much easier to reach their vital organs from the front.

Many poeple call me emo, But I only cut myself 5 times

Why are cemetery the world's most popular place?

Because people are just dying to get there

I was walking and i saw this old man begging for money, i gave him $20.

He then ran to the nearest drug store.

My dad has a heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I dropped my cousin's baby the other day,

i told him I didn't want to be the pallbearer

What do you call your sister when she has only one leg?

I-Lean