Why did the waitress get promoted?

Because she brings a lot to the table

What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?

"I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there."

Are you the square root of -1?

Because you can’t be real

Just found $26 in the dryer, about to get arrested for money laundering.

(Preferably be a guy)

I just wanna let you know how beautiful you are and was wondering if you could buy me a drink?

If trump can make it upto presidency

I can make it to bed early

What does the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, Im going in.

I went up to this gorgeous Redhead last night, "Hi there, does the collar match the cuffs?" I said with a cheeky wink

"Of course it does, this blouse wasn't cheap ya know!"

Turns out she was a natural blonde...