Why did the waitress get promoted?

Because she brings a lot to the table

What does the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, Im going in.

I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.

She didn’t know I existed.

Bin men have got a rubbish job.

If trump can make it upto presidency

I can make it to bed early

was having a pint in the pub last night when I noticed a bloke standing on his own by the pool table.

I walked over to him and said, "You look bored, do you fancy a playing a game?"

"Yeah, go on then" he replied.

I tapped him on the shoulder and ran off shouting, "You're it!"

Are your eyes IKEA?

Because i’m lost in them!

I went up to this gorgeous Redhead last night, "Hi there, does the collar match the cuffs?" I said with a cheeky wink

"Of course it does, this blouse wasn't cheap ya know!"

Turns out she was a natural blonde...

(Preferably be a guy)

I just wanna let you know how beautiful you are and was wondering if you could buy me a drink?

"I'm gonna cut off my eyebrows and draw new ones on with a pencil" - Woman logic