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Mark14

puns

A butcher accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work that day.

45

Deus

puns

How do you learn to become a railroad conductor?

Training.

38

GreenMario

pickup lines

Are you a toaster? 
Because I wanna take a bath with you

39

Deus

What time do cows go to sleep?

When it's pasture bedtime.

57

Deus

blonde

There is no "i" in "illiterate".

59

Deus

Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent!

42

Deus

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny

55

Mark14

puns

How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training

39

PastaMan

puns

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

55

Mark14

puns

Nurse: Doctor, there's a patient that says he's invisible. Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now!

41

PastaMan

puns

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

39

GoD_139

puns

Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet.

32

Kate

puns

Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

•

Deus

puns

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

44

Deus

puns

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

46

Deus

news & politics

2016 : trump wont win

2017: president trump can't do that, can he?

2018: you watching the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins

40

Deus

puns

What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig

60

Deus

My boyfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove him wrong?

61

Deus

A cop came to my door this morning telling me my dog had been chasing a man on a bike 

"Thats ridiculous, my dog doesn't even own a bike"

51

TheOneWhoKnocks

knock knock jokes

Knock knock. 
Who’s there? 
Hatch. 
Hatch who? 
God bless you.

35

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