I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered
completely invisible.
I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. 

Then it hit me.

Just seen a Facebook group called: Join if u say "b-e-a-u-ti-ful when writing beatiful!"

Clearly they forgot to say it the second time round...

went for a job interview.
"Where would you like to see yourself in five years time?" he asked me.
I thought and said, "Suspended on full pay."

Doorbells.

There's a nice ring to them.

Knock knock. 
Who’s there? 
Mustache. 
Mustache who? 
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later

I've just tucked my shirt in.
I don't know why I put it to bed so early.

My first session with the Impatience Support Group is tonight........

I can't wait.