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Deus

news & politics

Before the virus I used to cough to hide my farts

now i fart to hide my coughs 

2

Mark14

puns

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

45

DaBoiThicc

puns

What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.

33

DaBoiThicc

puns

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? 
Because he was a little shellfish.

31

Kate

puns

What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!

34

Deus

puns

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, β€˜First offender?’ She says, β€˜No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

48

Selfdistruction

fat

When Larry stepped on the scale ot rang my phone number.

 

57

DaBoiThicc

puns

Some people say that I never got over my obsession with Phil Collins. But take a look at me now.

40

DaBoiThicc

puns

I got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.

42

Mark14

puns

What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback.

1

PastaMan

puns

When Dad drops a pea off of his plate β€˜oh dear I’ve pee’d on the table!

43

PastaMan

puns

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix.

2

Kate

puns

What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

38

Mark14

puns

You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

39

PastaMan

puns

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

47

GoD_139

puns

Mountains aren't just funny, they are hill areas

53

Deus

puns

How many bones are in the human hand? A handful of them.

55

Kate

puns

Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

32

Mark14

pickup lines

Is that a mirror in your pocket? 
Cause I can see myself in your pants!

48

PastaMan

puns

You can't trust a ladder. It will always let you down

48

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