What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

You look a little pail.

Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife?

He needed some space.

Call me shrek

Because i’m head ogre heels for you!

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Why does Santa Claus have a big sack?

He only comes once a year

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

Knock, Knock! 
Who's There? 
Madam 
Madam who? 
Help madam finger is stuck in the door 

I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle.

I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.

Knock knock. 
Who’s there? 
Hawaii. 
Hawaii who? 
I’m fine, Hawaii you?

If winners never quit and quitters never win. 

what idiot came out with 'quit while you're ahead'?

Why couldn't the man with no feet drink coffee?

Because he lack toes.

Do you have advanced radiation poisoning?

Because you are glowing!