Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Why do bees have sticky hair?

They use honeycombs.

I've just started a business which is a rat and mouse washing service. It's
going great...
All our customers are squeaky clean.

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

My dad always told me not to stab people in the back.
I agree completely.
It's much easier to reach their vital organs from the front.

I used to go fishing with Skrillex.

But he kept dropping the BASS.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. 

he's bisatchel.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Why couldn't the paraplegic become a comedian?

He couldn't stand up.

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can't tune a fish