I know you’re busy today but can you add me to your to-do list?

I've got a good joke about Royal Mail, but I think I'll post it next week.

Are you a tower?

Because eiffel for you!

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Why was the computer always looking outside?

Because it had Windows.

How much does the bark cost?

Tree dollars

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. 

he's bisatchel.

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can't tune a fish

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale