50+ punny dad jokes that'll make any dad chuckle
1
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went off to college?
Bison.
2
What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher? They can't control their pupils.3
What do you call a guy that crushes cans for a living?
I'm not sure either but it's so dapressing.
4
Need an Ark
I Noah guy
5
How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
6
What did the rug say to the floor?
I've got you covered.
7
Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrr!8
I just got fired from a florist, apparently I took too many leaves.9
Why should you always wear 2 pair of socks while golfing?
In case you get hole-in-one
10
What do you call an Insect with an afro?
A Frisbee
11
What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?
A mar tiny
12
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.13
Why did the waitress get promoted?
Because she brings a lot to the table
14
Did you hear about the submarine industry? It really took a dive...15
What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig16
What do you get when facebook goes down?
A Social Life
17
Which is the fastest growing city in the world? Dublin'18
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.19
What do you call the bad areas in Italy?
The spaghetto.
20
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted21
My wife's constantly making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline.
It's starting to wear a little thin.
22
What do you call corn that joins the army? Kernel.23
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.
I thought it was a nice jester.
24
Head of lettuce.
That must be a boring job.
25
Why couldn't the man with no feet drink coffee?
Because he lack toes.
26
What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!27
What do you call a chicken that have smoked weed?
A baked chicken.
28
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.29
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language30
Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.31
I've been trying to come up with a dad joke about momentum . . . but I just can't seem to get it going.32
What time do cows go to sleep?
When it's pasture bedtime.
33
I recently took up meditation.
It beats sitting around doing nothing.
34
Why are maths books so sad?
Because they have so many problems
35
How many bones are in the human hand? A handful of them.36
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.37
What soup weighs 2,000 pounds?
Wonton Soup
38
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Because he doesnt want to be spotted!
39
How much does the bark cost?
Tree dollars
40
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.41
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.42
Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now? Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.43
What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.44
What shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
45
Maths, the only subject that counts.
46
I hear the prices of hoovers has gone up, that sucks.
47
What state has the smallest drinks?
Mini-soda.
48
Model trains make me Hornby.
49
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.50
Why is it so windy inside an arena? All those fans.51
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
52
Why didn't the astronaut come home to his wife?
He needed some space.