Puns

Why should you always wear 2 pair of socks while golfing?

In case you get hole-in-one

Bill Gates farted in an Apple store.

He later commented, "Well it’s hardly my fault they don't have any Windows…”

What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?

You can't tune a fish

If i was given a penny for everytime i answered a question vaguely...

I would have a lot of pennies

How many stubborn people does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Stubborn people won't change.

Why can't a bike stand on its own?

It's two tired

Two fat people in a marriage will never work out.

I just spent 5 grand on Hi-Fi equipment 

I think I'm a stereo type

At first I hated my new hair cut.
But it's growing on me now

How do i stop an addiction to cold turkey?

What do you Call an Italian with a rubber toe

Roberto

The sun doesn't have to go to college.

Because it already has 28 million degrees

What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

You look a little pail.

Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

What did the carpenter say?

Believe in your shelf

Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

Model trains make me Hornby.

My first session with the Impatience Support Group is tonight........

I can't wait.

Bin men have got a rubbish job.

I was named after my father...
I don't really like the name 'dad' though.