My third wife is leaving me because Im an arsonist.

Oh well, thats another relationship up in smoke.

So this SEO expert walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish bar, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor.

If a black box on a plane is indestructible, why don't they make the whole
plane out of it?

I saw a High Priest today. "Alright Father,"

I said, "Been on the Waccy Baccy again?"

Why did the meta-joke cross the road?

To get to the punchline.

How do i stop an addiction to cold turkey?

I got rid of a huge fly with my slipper today.

I said, "you can have this slipper if you get out of my house."

I used to think i was indecisive

But now i'm not sure

I want to set up my own business selling kites.

But I just cant seem to get it off the ground.

I hate living in a hard water area..
Or Iceland as they call it.

I just spent 5 grand on Hi-Fi equipment 

I think I'm a stereo type