I used to think i was indecisive

But now i'm not sure

So this SEO expert walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish bar, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor.

I want to set up my own business selling kites.

But I just cant seem to get it off the ground.

I got rid of a huge fly with my slipper today.

I said, "you can have this slipper if you get out of my house."

I saw a High Priest today. "Alright Father,"

I said, "Been on the Waccy Baccy again?"

How many Microsoft windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

three!

one to change it, one to ask you if your sure you want to change it, and one to ask you if your sure your sure you want to change it.

How do i stop an addiction to cold turkey?

Why did the meta-joke cross the road?

To get to the punchline.

I hate living in a hard water area..
Or Iceland as they call it.

Due to heavy rainfall last night, there is now a leek in my Greenhouse.

How many stubborn people does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Stubborn people won't change.

My boss fired me for being "incompetent".

How could I be something I dont even know what it is?

Last month I applied for a job at Royal mail as a postman, although I forgot to post my apllication form...

Long story short, I start Monday.