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Mark14

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Mark14

I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.

Mark14

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band.

Mark14

What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the two S’s.

Mark14

I fear for the calendar, it’s days are numbered.

Mark14

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

Mark14

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented? Lil Caesars

Mark14

"I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Mark14

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

Mark14

“Hold on, I have something in my shoe” “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”

Mark14

Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall? To prove that he was framed!

Mark14

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

Mark14

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

Mark14

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Mark14

Are you lost ma'am?
Because heaven is a long way from here.

Mark14

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.

Mark14

Are you a cat?
because I'm feline a connection between us

Mark14

Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.

Mark14

What do you do when you see a space man? Park your car, man.

Mark14

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Mark14

How do you get a baby alien to sleep? You rocket.

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