Why are maths books so sad?

Because they have so many problems

Why did the waitress get promoted?

Because she brings a lot to the table

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Because he was out standing in his field

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 
None. It's a hardware problem.

Wanna hear a joke about traffic?

Nevermind, it's to slow

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands

What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?

"I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there."

Dictionary definition of fragile; easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail.

Royal Mail definition of fragile; Break gently.

My wife's constantly making sarcastic comments about my receding hairline.

It's starting to wear a little thin.

Tina Turner : "who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"

Going by your logic Tina, we don't need arms or legs.

Last month I applied for a job at Royal mail as a postman, although I forgot to post my apllication form...

Long story short, I start Monday.

It's my fault that I have self blame issues.

I've found out my Dad wanted me aborted.

My Mum thought it was a bad idea as I was just about to start secondary School.

If I was any more street...

I would be homeless

People always need their opinions validated.

Am I right?

I can't think of anything that resembles Straw, but hey.

I've got a good joke about Royal Mail, but I think I'll post it next week.

I hate people who repeat themselves.

Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.

Doorbells.

There's a nice ring to them.

I hate people who are indirect, you know who you are.