I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

My girlfriend just broke up with me.

She says I spend too Much time talking to people I dont even know online.

Just wait til "pokemonmaster91" hears about this.

What do you call an Insect with an afro?

A Frisbee

I got rid of a huge fly with my slipper today.

I said, "you can have this slipper if you get out of my house."

Whats got 4 legs and goes "boo"?

A cow with a cold.

My boyfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove him wrong?

My third wife is leaving me because Im an arsonist.

Oh well, thats another relationship up in smoke.

I was talking to my friend when I told him, "When I was born I was left on the doorstep of a little cottage with a note attached to me."

"What did the note say?" He asked.

"I dont know." I replied, "I was too young to read."

I started dating a math teacher a couple of weeks ago.

she turned round one night and said to me "You know youre really stupid, I have no idea why Im with you, i bet you dont even know what pi is!"

"I know you eat too much of it" I replied.

Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent!

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Because he doesnt want to be spotted!

What do you call someone elses cheese?

Natcho Cheese!

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

what kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What do you call a bear who just got out of a pool?

A drisly bear

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. 

he's bisatchel.

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''